Monday, May 18, 2009

Control? What control?

You know those disappointments in life that really pull you down. I have run into to one of those recently and I am determined to turn it in to something wonderful. I have a bit of a Pollyanna personality or of course some might say it is the half full philosophy. Okay, that is probably an outright lie. I am a control freak and I worry. These are two areas I struggle with.

I had my vision of what my life was going to look like. Notice that I said “my vision” not “God’s vision”. See therein lies the real problem. I saw myself doing things differently than the way God was intending for it to go. You see, my youngest is starting kindergarten next year and I looked at it as an opportunity to really start writing daily without interruptions, rather than sliding my writing moments into late night sessions and early morning time slots. I mean my goodness, I was writing inspirational fiction what could be wrong with that. Right? Well everything. I wanted to do it on my time, not in His time. Right now, may not be the time for me to pursue this. Do I doubt that I have been called to write. No, but it took Joseph many years to fulfill his purpose and all of his experiences were not of his choosing either. So why do I think I am any different.

Next year, I will be returning to the work force hopefully and my visions of uninterrupted writing is quickly flying out the window as reality sets in. I would love to say that I want to go back to work, but the reality is I didn’t have a choice. With the downturn in the economy and my husband working in the car industry, economics is dictating I go back to work. After discussion and prayer with my husband, I know that this is what I need to do and what God is leading me to do. I have found peace in the decision.

Doesn’t that sound absurd that God would want me to work outside of the home? Perhaps to some it might. I will be going back into the classroom, provided I'm offered a job to do so. And that my friends, is where I have the opportunity to touch others on a daily basis. And isn't that what we are called to do.

Now, I am struggling with trying to smile as I see MY VISION being altered. I know God has a plan for my life.

Jeremiah 29:11
'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. (New American Standard)

The real issue for me is accepting the changes that are going to take place and knowing that my peace is found in Him, not in my plans for my life. I am a bit of a control freak. Shhh…don’t tell anyone. It amazes me how often God tries to get me to grasp this concept that He is in control, but I still cry and throw a fit. Anyone else out there struggle with this? Share how you move past your own issues of controlling life to giving control up to God.


Linda said...

I've always been a workaholic. On the farm we worked till we dropped and got up and worked some more. With back issues and fibromyalgia, I've had to 'behave' and not do things I'm not supposed to do. Took me a couple of years--a little hardheaded? Now I'm in the throw of knowing what He wants me to do if it isn't the busy things I've done in the past. His vision instead of mine.

Krista said...

I am so glad to hear someone else say the things I think and feel. I am so a control freak and it IS VERY hard to turn things over and let God lead. You know I think you are awesome, and you will be great back in the classroom. Wish we would be working together again!!

Donna said...

Thanks Linda for sharing with us. It is hard to let Him lead and just because we are followers doesn't me we won't continue to struggle.

Krista, I loved teaching with you back in the olden days. Thanks for always believing in me.

Anonymous said...

It will all work out.

You know I am always there and love you with all I have. Jerry